Enjoy Every Sandwich

It's t-minus four days--at this time on Thursday I should be about 8 hours into a procedure that could last 12-15 hours.  After that I'll be in an induced coma for 2 or 3 days in the hopes that will get my healing off to a good start by keeping me motionless.  I am told that people have great dreams in these comas, so I've asked Terry to bring me some headphones and let me listen to some Grateful Dead in that "happy place."  If that can't generate some great dreams for me, even if a bit on the weird side--then nothing can.

Admitting to being in a very low state of mind since coming back from NZ and looking to May 1, I have come to grips with what will happen on May 1 and for a long time after.  Don't confuse that with being happy about any of this shit, but I know that attitude will be a  big factor for me and Terry as we go through this.  The reality is that I didn't have a choice about the events that have led up to this, but the other side of that reality is that I have a choice in how I handle it.  Just as I did five years ago with my cancer treatments, I'll get through this with pure grit, stubbornness, a good set of Eastern European genes, a sick sense of humor, great doctors, and support from Team Mike and its captain, Terry.

Oh yeah, and really good meds.

Speaking of a sick sense of humor, this is the gist of an exchange Terry and I had a few nights ago:

Mike:  What is your biggest fear going into all of this?

Terry: That you won't live through it.

Mike: That isn't going to happen.  Unlike the battle with the Prairie Dogs, this is not a life-threatening situation.  It's just going to be long and difficult.

Terry: And, what's your biggest fear?

Before I could answer, she says "...that you WILL live through it?" (!!!)

Well--sorta kinda, really.  I don't have any fears that I won't make it through the procedure or the long recovery period.  My fear is that my quality of life is going to be severely lowered to a point that even doing the most everyday things like eating will be become a huge struggle and wear me down over time.  And, while I don't consider myself to be a vain person, I do worry that I'll be so scarred that little kids in K-Mart will see me and run to their mothers, asking "Mommie, can I get a Halloween mask like that one?"

One of my favorite singer-songwriters was Warren Zevon, who passed away about 10 years ago.  Facing his impending death  from inoperable lung cancer, he was asked in an interview what he would say about his life in reflection.  He said "I'd enjoy every sandwich."  In that line of thought, Terry and I have been going to our favorite restaurants and cooking our favorite meals at home--on the chance that I might not ever be able to eat some of those things again.  So, here's our list and my favorites:

Grindhouse Burgers (Green Chili Cheeseburgers)
Rosa's Pizza (pepperoni and ricotta)
Shorty's Pizza (pepperoni, extra sauce)
Daddy D'z (Smoked brisket and baked beans)
Community BBQ (pulled  pork and ribs)
Rib Eyes on the grill (medium rare for me)
Cafe Lilly (goat cheese ravioli and chocolate fudge cake for dessert)
Terry's veggy soup
My chili
Tapatio Mexican (stuffed poblano peppers)
Terry's chocolate and blueberry pancakes
 Ice cream at any hour of the day (OK, I'm cheating here.  I know I'll be able to eat ice cream again)

We won't get to all of our favorites before May 1, but you get the idea.

This will be my last post until I come out of my coma and can clear my head of those Grateful Dead-induced dreams.  So, please send your best Team Mike vibes to me and Terry that this operation goes off with no added complications and that I can get on the long road to a full recovery right away.  If you want to check my status before I post again, feel free to call Terry.

In the meantime, enjoy a sandwich for me.

Mike