Good News, Bad News x2

Well, the good news is that my esophagus does not have to stretched again.  The double-bad news is that the problem starts before food reaches my esophagus, and there is no way to fix it.  Oh yeah, and it will keep getting gradually worse over time.  That might be 3x bad news, but who's counting anymore?

Without going into a throat anatomy lesson, there are some small structures just past my tongue that were damaged by the radiation, and cannot heal or be corrected with surgery.  Even well before food gets to my esophagus the damaged mechanisms limit what can go past them, and cause a backup with all but the smallest of food particles and liquids.

The PA who did the test put it into perspective:  this is a bummer for me, but she sees a lot of cancer survivors with many more eating limitations than mine, and many who can take food only through a tube--for the rest of their lives.

Sonofabitch--just when I wanted a good reason to wallow in my cheeseburger-less reality, she tells me it could be a lot worse, given the type of cancer I had and how it was treated.

So, I actually left the test feeling good--what's wrong with that picture?  What I need to do now is figure out how to cope with this for the rest of my life.  For a long time I thought it might get better some day, but that hope is now gone.  Time to figure out a way forward that will keep me nourished and looking forward to meals.  To be honest, that's not the case right now.  If eating was not an absolute necessity, I could happily not eat ever again--it's just too much of a hassle, with very limited options, and a test of will to get enough food into my mouth and down to my stomach three times a day (I've almost stopped snacking completely--except for yogurt).

mike