I subscribe to the Head/Neck Cancer board on the Cancers Survivors' Network (CSN). I found CSN about two years after completing my treatments and it has been a great source of friendships, information, and support for the past 3+ years. I read it about 4-5 times a week and post to it periodically. From my posts about my emerging problem with ORN two years ago, I started to communicate with Pat, who had the same original cancer as me, and two recurrences since, but had managed to survive for over 14 years since his first diagnosis. His name on CSN is "Longtimesurvivor." Key word two sentences ago: had. He wrote to me yesterday that he's had a third recurrence--this time it can't be treated or cured. He has not been given a timeline yet, but his cancers have been fast-growers--this one came totally undetected by him in the last two months.
From the distance Pat has been a mentor to me as my ORN developed. He did not have ORN, but did go through a procedure similar to my upcoming jaw replacement, so he could talk from much experience. I think he has a medical background--he knows way more about cancer and its treatment that could be taken from personal experience alone. He has provided many people on CSN with authoritative answers to the many questions we all have about Cancer World.
Pat is a former world traveler, hunter, backpacker, and SCUBA diver--still hiking until just a short time ago. He and I shared some stories about SCUBA diving, and he offered to send me a special mouth-hydrating device in the event I am cleared again to dive.
I had it in my mind that Pat and I would get to meet in person one day, so I never felt the need to know more of the details about his life, his cancer experiences, and his stories about New Zealand--he hunted NZ several years ago, and I am in NZ right now, so that gave us another bond in recent weeks. As I pondered my options about coming to NZ now or waiting until the jaw procedure was over and healed, Pat was very clear--I can get my jaw replaced any time, but this opportunity in NZ was one-off, "So get your asses on the plane and worry about later, later."
My mind tells me to be really angry and sad that Pat has lost his long battle and I am losing one of the cornerstones in my own battle with the Prairie Dogs and their side-kicks, chemo and radiation therapy. I really wish I could come up with a reason to rant and rave over Pat's impending death and my loss of a friend--but I can't, so that void is being filled for now with the numbing realization that anger will not solve anything, and that I need to stay focused on the rest of our time in NZ and my upcoming procedure--just as Pat would tell me to do.
mike
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