Scan coming up--need good vibes

I have my annual scan on April 15--four years post-treatments.  While I don't sense anything that might indicate a positive scan, I won't allow myself to be over-confident and 100% sure that I'll get a NED (no evidence of disease) result.  On my cancer support discussion board, we call this "scan-xiety"--a little bit of fear that an upcoming scan might discover evidence that someone's cancer has recurred.

And that's what cancer can do to you--it never lets you have a total peace of mind that "this shit is finally over."  This disease is as unpredictable as it is dangerous.  But all we can do is keep moving along with our new-normal lives, the proverbial one-day-at-a-time.  Because if you let the doubt and fear grow too great, the disease has then found another way to beat you--and that can't be allowed.

When I first started this blog I was very intentional to call it "Mike Metzler Beats Cancer."  I was strong and confident (those who know me would call it cocky) that I would beat this thing, and then simply go on with life as if I had recovered from a cold or the flu.  Sometimes I think that my little show of bluster was nothing more than naive courage--had I any sense of how long and difficult this would be, my cockiness would have been tempered--a lot.

And, I think that's why survivors, me included, feel scan-xiety.  We now know just how hard all of this was the first time through it, and there is a fear that we won't have the strength and good fortune to make it through again.

So, on the 15th, please make sure that your taxes have been sent off, and find a few moments to send some good vibes to me and Terry.  I don't know when we'll get the results, but will let you know just as soon as we can.

Mike