Everyone knows what a "Bucket List" is--a list of things a person wants to do in their life before they, well...kick the bucket. Sometime during the worst part of my treatment for cancer I started to make something that amounted to a "reverse bucket list." It was a mental list of things I wanted to be be able to do again, to get back the quality of life I enjoyed before my diagnosis and treatments. If the old saying is true that "Living well is the best revenge" then in my case the best revenge I could take on my disease was to reclaim as many of the things in my life that cancer had threatened to take away for good.
The list started out modestly and mostly without my own awareness of it--like working hard just to do the simplest things like taking a walk around the neighborhood with Terry.
Check.
Then it was eating solid foods again.
Check.
The it was weaning myself off the medications that clouded both my waking and sleeping times.
Check.
This invisible list started to grow and the "checks" started to mount up as I built some momentum. Up until then I was not really aware that I even had a list--I just wanted to feel better and put the cancer behind me. But soon I did have a list, even if it wasn't written down on paper.
Get healthy enough to teach summer classes.
Check.
Do "Deck time" with Terry (and stay awake for it!).
Check.
Play golf.
Check. Well- it was nine holes, riding on a cart and skipping a few holes along the way, but it still counted to me.
On July 4th 2009 I told my running partner, Jeff, and Terry that I would be ready to run the Peachtree Road Race one year later--at a time I was still breathing heavily after a short walk. That was the first long-range item I put on my list.
On July 4th, 2010 I ran the entire distance of the Peachtree with Jeff.
Big Check!
Them, as I had done a year earlier on that date, I put another long-range item on the list--to run the Atlanta Half Marathon on Thanksgiving day. And, like I did a year earlier, I really wondered "What the hell are you thinking?"
November 25th, 2010. Jeff and I and our friend Margo started out together and all of us completed the 13.1 miles a few minutes apart, about 2 hours and 15 minutes later. As she had done at the Peachtree Road Race, Terry was at the finish line to cheer me on, with a huge smile and a hug.
Check.
Even though the distance was more than twice as far, the half marathon was not the emotional experience the Peachtree Road Race was a few months before. It was as if the Peachtree opened up the door to getting back any part of my life that I wanted, and this was further validation of that possibility.
While there are still a number of small items on my Revenge List, one large item remains and I've set my sights on it for the summer of 2011. I am already working with my ENT doctor to get cleared to SCUBA dive--with the hope of going to Roatan, Honduras in June for our 5th anniversary (we got married there) and to get back the one last thing that cancer threatened to take from my life for good. I can't wait to add that "Check" to my Revenge List!
mike
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