I was thinking the past few days that I've not posted here for a long time--turns out it's been more than 3 months. The reason for that is simple--there have been no new developments to report, and I've settled into the rest of my (hopefully long) life as a cancer survivor. It is what it is, and I've come to accept the limitations that have come from the side effects of my chemo and radiation treatments (you remember them--The gifts that keep on giving).
While I get reminded several times a day of what those treatments have done to my body, the limitations they bring are now simply regular parts of my everyday life.
I wake up every day with a dry mouth
I can't use my left shoulder to reach for my water glass each morning. (Duh--use the right one!)
I can't put on a pullover shirt without a piercing pain in that shoulder.
I lose my balance ever so slightly at times.
Every decision at meal time starts with "What can I eat safely?", not "What would I like to eat?" (God damn, I'm tired of processed yogurt)
I have to always be carrying a paper towel in my pocket to catch 'leaks' from my lower lip.
I can't join in conversations with more than one other person.
I talk with a limp.
There's others, but you get the picture. The bottom line is that I've accepted (didn't say "like") these limitations as the price of survival, and have found coping or avoidance strategies for all of them. If I get taken by surprise by one of them, or caught unprepared, that's on me now--and I do get pissed when it happens.
So, I am going to take the biggest revenge possible on the Prairie Dogs, by kicking them and the gifts that keep on giving to the curb of my life. Another way to do that is to release Team Mike back to your own lives, after a heartfelt "Thank you" for all you've done for me and Terry these past nine years. Part of that release for all of us is to post nothing more to this blog. It has more than served its purpose in keeping you informed, Terry supported, and me alive all of this time. So, Harv, no need to check here every morning, once you've seen how your stocks did the day before.
I have a secondary motive for stopping the blog. I've procrastinated for a long to start a book on my two journeys in Cancer World--one as a patient, the other as a survivor. The book will be largely based on my entries over the years, and I had it in my mind that there was still one more chapter to add. But, life as I now know it is the last chapter in the book, and will be called "It Sure Beats The Alternative." So maybe by ending the blog, it can free me up to start the book. Those journeys are over and I've come home to the rest of my life with what they have left me and taught me, so now I can write about them more clearly.
Thanks for the Good Vibes.
Mike
might as well throw away my computer I can get the stocks on my I phone that's all I even turn it on for.. Be well Metz Hope to see you and Terry soon
ReplyDeleteALL OF OUR THOUGHTS AND LOVE ---- Randy and Diane
I can't wait to read the book. See you around campus!
ReplyDeleteit's hard not to respond to this blog and to not feel where you are in your journey. just follow the light.
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