It's 10:55 PM on Friday--make that 10:56 PM now, and I am eating a Publix Premium Peach Greek Yogurt to keep my tummy from growling so I can get some sleep tonight.
Those little black plastic tubs of cultures (what the hell does that really mean, anyway?) have become my default food source lately--what I use to get an easily ingestible 150 or so calories when I need them, about 3-4 times every day.
Beyond liquid foods like smoothies, Boost, and some pureed soups, everything else I can eat now is a struggle--thus the reliance on yogurt. Beer, wine and bourbon are technically not foods, so are exceptions--but they do provide substantial calories, and a buzz, in a pinch. Thank you, Mr. Daniels.
Eating is a struggle, and a long one at every meal. Terry and I start a meal together and by the time I'm tossing half of mine into the garbage, she's finished hers, done the dishes, put the leftovers in the fridge, and poured her post-dinner glass of wine. Thus, the need for yogurts at 10:00 am, 2:00 PM, 5:00 PM, and now 11:13 PM.
For many, eating food is a pleasure--something to look forward and savor. For me, eating has become something I know I have to do, but with limited choices, and only occasional enjoyment. And except for eating at home with Terry, something I avoid at all costs in social settings. I went to a Waffle House this morning with a good friend, and managed to eat about half of an omelet and a few bites of my hash browns (covered) before I couldn't fake the struggle any more. I took a to-go box to save face, but ended up tossing it out, without eating any more later. Just not worth the struggle.
When I got home yesterday, needing my 5:00 PM snack after work, I opened the fridge and saw a bunch of those black plastic Publix Premium yogurt tubs staring at me. I had to take a long look at them, wondering if I could stomach yet another one. After a few minutes, I did pick one (the flavor didn't freaking matter) and I ate it--as a choice of mind over matter, yet again. Yes, when the going gets tough, the tough eat yogurt--to stay alive.
It's come to that.
mike
Friday, January 22, 2016
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Shane Frehlich Memorial and video
You may remember Shane Frehlich from earlier posts on this blog. He passed away in 2015 from a rare form of Leukemia. I attended a professional conference in San Diego last week, where a touching memorial to Shane was given by some of his closest friends and colleagues at California State University Northridge, where he was a professor.
As part of that memorial they showed a short video produced at CSUN to show how Shane had touched the lives of so many people on that campus. I was able to get a link to that video, so you can put a face to his name, and see just how much he was loved by his family and his CSUN colleagues:
I did not participate actively in the memorial in San Diego. I watched the video and listened to the handful of people who did say something about Shane and what he meant to them and our association. All I could think of was "Why me?" Why have I survived cancer, when so many others who fought just as hard (and Shane twice) did not make it? That has been a haunting question for the past 7 years, and I didn't want to make that the subject of any comments I made about Shane at that moment. It was his moment and I didn't want to take away from that with words about myself. All I could think of was "Why me?" so I sat quietly among the others in the room.
Sometimes I fool myself into thinking that I have beaten cancer entirely and that there are only physical scars to show from my battles with the Prairie Dogs. Again, the truth is, I have not beaten cancer entirely--I've only survived it for 7 years, and events like Shane's memorial serve to bring that reality back to me.
mike
As part of that memorial they showed a short video produced at CSUN to show how Shane had touched the lives of so many people on that campus. I was able to get a link to that video, so you can put a face to his name, and see just how much he was loved by his family and his CSUN colleagues:
I did not participate actively in the memorial in San Diego. I watched the video and listened to the handful of people who did say something about Shane and what he meant to them and our association. All I could think of was "Why me?" Why have I survived cancer, when so many others who fought just as hard (and Shane twice) did not make it? That has been a haunting question for the past 7 years, and I didn't want to make that the subject of any comments I made about Shane at that moment. It was his moment and I didn't want to take away from that with words about myself. All I could think of was "Why me?" so I sat quietly among the others in the room.
Sometimes I fool myself into thinking that I have beaten cancer entirely and that there are only physical scars to show from my battles with the Prairie Dogs. Again, the truth is, I have not beaten cancer entirely--I've only survived it for 7 years, and events like Shane's memorial serve to bring that reality back to me.
mike
Thursday, January 7, 2016
A Scare about Jerry, and Some Good News
Terry read a Facebook post last week that Jerry had been taken back for emergency surgery--that was all we knew for a few days, and we were very concerned. We heard yesterday that the surgery was for some complications from infections from the first surgery, and it went very well. We also got more details about his initial surgery--they removed some cancerous cells (with good margins) and some lymph nodes, but there was no evidence that it had spread to other areas. Also, they are not prescribing chemo or radiation at this time. All in all, good news, and another example of Team Mike's Good Vibes making a difference.
Mike
Mike
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