Even with the best doctors, technology, and the support of family and friends, one of the gnawing realities of being a cancer patient is that no one can predict the outcome with an acceptable level of certainty--at least to the patient, and even moreso to a data-driven patient like myself
I think that this level of uncertainty is what makes cancer patients so highly compliant with their doctor's requests, and to become so willling to endure treatments that are usually far more toxic and painful than the disease is at that point in time. At some point the patient starts to say: I hope I can get through the chemo or the radiation--as if this was not really a battle against cancer.
While nervously contemplating the third attempt to insert the feeding tube, I managed to fall out of a zone that would have maintained a "fighting chance" in my mind for not only surviving this, but also getting back to the full range of things that have meaning in my life, and seeing a few of my dreams with Terry come true.
Leading up to the tube insertion it became clear that little piece of simple technology was going to keep me in the Zone of having a Fighting Chance. Without it, I saw no chance of making it through. The tube was not the proverbial Silver Bullett, but it did allow me to get back to a physical, emotional and physchological place that could gave me a shot at beating my cancer.
In that hazy post-op world, I overheard the lead anestesiologist comment that mine was the most difficult itubation (instertion of the breathing tube) he has ever done. The other doctor said something like, "Well, the guy on the table fought off more pain than I've ever seen, as well."
There is a cliche in sports that players and coaches will say something like: "I just want to play well enough throughout the game to have a chance to win at the end"
I need to have the same mindset--to do everything I can on a daily basis so that the game doesn't slip out of reach.
mike
Mike, in the context of the Matt Conte mythical story about his playing a football game with a broken foot, you have gone through the painful process of tightening up the laces on the cleats of that broken foot. We are confident that you can not only get back in the game, but, as you always have, play to win. You can do the two minute drill to half-time, then you will be on the downside. Keep knockin' those dogs down. Jim
ReplyDeleteIt is indeed true that it is always darkest before the dawn.
ReplyDeleteFighting is not an answer. Realization of why this has happened can bring the greatest healing that will allow the physical healing a helping hand. Without treatment of the cause, there is no healing of the real you or the physical body.
Do not put faith into science, tho' it has great knowledge, for science does not and cannot treat what causes that come in our lives when we have not taken the time to understand our part of its creation.
I am a firm beleiver and strong survivor of challenges in my life. I beleive that the physical body has merely given you an alarm. You have to search deep to find the cause, change the long time habit and begin the healing.
All things are possible. Pass the word. And I know this is possible.
d
You have always had a positive attitude that I admire and am inspired by. I have total belief in your ability to beat this. Your level of pain tolerance is yet another example of how strong and determined you are and how much you want to win. Fall down 8...get up 9. I love you brother!
ReplyDeleteMelissa
The commentary here is a full circle of thought and feeling surrounding and embracing your experience, Mike. I think it is beautiful how you have chosen to allow us to involve ourselves, even if from a distance, in your growth. Your mounting insite and reflection appears to be a positive side-effect...and it is often a medium for connections with ourselves and others. My thanks and infinite support...to you and everyone who so deeply cares for you.
ReplyDeletemeadow
Become the Change You Want to See. Ghandi
ReplyDeleteDo Not Go Where the Path May Lead, Go Instead where there is no Path and Leave a Trail.
d
Thanks for sharing what you're going through, Mike and Terry - it is inspirational! Keep up the fight - no pain, no gain :-) Colleen
ReplyDeleteMike, The human spirit is a powerful force, one that demands a fighting chance even when just staying in the zone of a fighting chance is questioned. The human spirit supported by the love, respect and admiration of family, friends, and colleagues, raises his fighting chance to a great probability that he can beat his foe. The human spirit that it is supported by the pure, true love of his soul's mate in addition to all the other loving support he has, not only keeps him in the zone of a winning chance,but gives him the great advantage of defeating his foe. It has been proven also that those who are prayed for survive...Al and I are doing our part to that end! As Spock would say, "Live long and prosper!"
ReplyDelete